You're jokes

I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.

Your hairline is so deep that we measure it in metres.

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!

Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.

Your hairline caused the solar flare.

I see a worm. Oh, no, it's just your hairline!

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

Your mom is so fat that she doesn't need WiFi because she is worldwide.

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"

Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."