roses are red violets are blue it's really no wonder your mama left you
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-MYERS it.
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11"
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company. Probably top. Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
let it go, LET IT GO! Blablablabla whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blablablabla my mom never bothered me anyway
I'm bored đ´ so thats why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted ur time
A computer usually has a HARDdrive LESSON. No wonder they remember things
God said âlet there be lightâ so it beamed off your forehead and so I turned into stevie wonder and called it night
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after but then i realised that antidepressants don't make you OD.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
you know why they call her wonder woman? She's always wonder where she parked her invisible jet
Last week I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a BALL. I wondered where it came from but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you Penaldo for almost killing me!
Youâre as useless as Stevie Wonders eyes!!
Sorry I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up herecomplaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended...how stupid is that?
ahem.. if somebody you dont like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this
Hello thank you for choosing mamas pizzeria/ abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce how may i help you?
or
hello this is davids orphanage you make them we take them how may i help you?
some people reactions are priceless and then the wonder about you mental health
Hey guys Iâm back just wondering if any one is still on this that wants me to make more
If an orange is called an orange why isnât a lemon called a yellow
No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons. The makers were orphans.
Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van! It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come. We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! ĚHey they want to party with us! ĚTimmy yelled over the whooping. ĚParty van! ĚI yelled. Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said ĚP O L I C Eâ on the side. We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. ĚIsnât that right mommy? Ě
This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied "that's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!" The guy said "no, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says "that fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!" Guy says "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"
