What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Whos Jokes
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dragon.
Dragon deez nuts.
Dragon deez nuts who?
DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My I.
May I who?
May I put this pussy on your mouth?
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
Reese's.
Reese's who? Re-sees with deez nuts!
We should stop.
Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?
The boomerang!
Little Johnny was late to class. The teacher asked him where he was. Little Johnny said, "I was on top of Marry Hill." Then a kid comes late to class and also said he was on Marry Hill. Then a little girl that's about 4 or 5 comes in. The teacher asks, "Who are you?" She said, "I'M MARRY HILL!"
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.
Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
