The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
Knock knock who’s there dragon deez nuts dragon deez nuts who? DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My I.
May I who?
May I put this pussy on your mouth?
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
Reese's.
Reese's who? Re-sees with deez nuts!
