Whos

Whos jokes

You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.

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    • One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.

    The man asked for some crack.

    The woman turned around and said, "Here."

    That's where the crack was, you guessed it.

    The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."

    Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    My life.

    My life who?

    My life is depressing...

    Me: "I came home laughing."

    Parents: "What's wrong?"

    Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."

    Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"

    Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."

    Parents: "What is it?"

    Me: "Who farted?"

    A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.

    The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!

    The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”

    Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

    Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

    AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

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    • A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

    The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."

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    • Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."

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    • I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.

    I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.

    Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

    Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

    Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.

    So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."

    The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

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