What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
Knock Knock Whos there? Youre adopted
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?
The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
