Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
Whos Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?
My life.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
*Knock Knock* Who's there? Social Services...
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes a very bad joke!
Seriously, who wants dicks?
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?
A Cor-owner.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Charlie.
Charlie who?
Charlie Brown! Good grief!
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop.
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
