A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use, you wouldn't get it.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?
My life🖤
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
*Knock Knock* Whos there? Social Services....
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.
knock-knock Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? DISHES A VERY BAD JOKE!
Seriously, who wants dicks?
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?
A Cor-owner.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Charlie.
Charlie who?
Charlie Brown! Good grief!
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
