Victim jokes
(The lobby of the Hazbin Hotel. Everyone is gathered for an emergency meeting.)
CHARLIE: Okay, everyone, listen up! There's a new group of souls coming in who passed away in a school shooting! We have to be sensitive!
VAGGIE: (Scoffs) Good luck with that.
ANGEL: (Waving a hand nonchalantly) No problem, Charlie! I’m great with kids who have issues. My advice to them would be, “Don't be in school.”
(A beat of stunned silence falls over the room. Everyone just stares at him.)
ANGEL: (He blinks, looking genuinely confused at the silence.) Wait.
(Alastor lets out a loud, static-filled laugh.)
HUSK: (Deadpan, taking a huge drink) Too soon, Angel. Too soon.
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.
Who are the fastest readers ever? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
Q' What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite type of comedy?
A. I forget.
I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.
What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Their kneecaps.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀