Unlikeness jokes
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.
Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."
Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."
Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 馃槺
I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.
You know why orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their parents.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.
What does Biden do? He does you.
What does do something useful unlike you?
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang. Unlike its parents, it comes back.
Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I鈥檓 gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
Why do orphans prefer trucks? Because, unlike their parents, it is different.