Unlikeness jokes

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"

Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."

Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."

Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 😱

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.

You know why orphans like boomerangs?

Because they come back, unlike their parents.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.

A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"