Toy jokes
Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?
I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”
Balls are annoying. They just bounce and never keep still.
George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.
I have a little John.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
Why was the kinetic sand always happy?
Because it was kinetic with its friends!
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
What do you call a kid on a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite movie? Cabbage Patch Kids.
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?
A plastic surgeon. 😷
(Girl) Do you ever blink?
(Doll) (No reply).
(Girl) You look like a mannequin!
(Doll) (No reply).
What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."