There jokes

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.

Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.

The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"

Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."

What's a snake's favorite subject?

Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.

How do you make epileptic kids dance?

Throw a flash bang in their room.

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

Joker: Knock knock...

Batman: Who's there?

Joker: Not your parents!

There are two types of faces:

The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.

Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.

What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.

Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"

The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.

The kid asked him again and so on.

Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

Why did Trump's brain cross the road?

Oh wait, there is no other side.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Bagel."

"Bagel who?"

"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Bear.

Bear who?

Bear bum!

Why do all orphans get iPhone X's?

There isn't a home button.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

'Cause there is no home to run to.

Why can't orphans have a funeral? Because their parents won't be there.