Their jokes

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

Trump likes to grab 'em by the pussy. Putin likes to grab them by their tiny hands.

How do Asians name their babies?

They throw pots and pans around.

"Ching, Chang, Clang!"

Two of my grandpas died in WW2.

Their tower fell over.

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.

When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics.

Another joke, I know they suck.

What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.

I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find their home.

What is the Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country, wall climbing, and their favorite activity in the summer is lawn mowing.

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?

You keep the tradition of hitting black things.

What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?

Their place.

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of flow creamer.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.