The jokes

Marijuana

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Cat

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

Orphan

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.

Emo

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

Pilot

One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.

Lamp

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

Post

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

Mom

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

Hairline

What's the difference between a gay man and a hairline?

The hairline is way straighter.

Plane

Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.

Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

Orphan

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Zodiac

Some people put zodiacs on everything.

They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.

Fairy Tale

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.