The jokes
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
Man A: "Is Google male or female?"
Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
Why can’t the orphan play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side!
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The MOOOOvie theater.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye, matey!
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.