The jokes
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a drawer?
The drawer has papers.
Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?
They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.