The jokes
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
what's the worst thing to say to an emo?
if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.
Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.
And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.
Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.
Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.