The jokes
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.
Where did the mouse go?
To the mouse-um!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
What is the difference between a human being and a tree?
What is a difference between a tree? Tree 🌲 was the day you get.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
Have you heard the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Great saying.
Not so great way to find out you are adopted.
I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."
And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
Why was the bus sleeping? Because it was too tired.
Me: Knock, knock.
Teacher: Who is there?
Me: Boo.
Teacher: Boo who?
Me: Stop being a crybaby and open the door!
Teacher: ......
Me: Aw man, detention again.
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.
Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?
A. Neither does R. Kelly.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
You: Did you get the new snoo subscription?
Other: What's snoo?
You: Not much, how 'bout you?
Want to hear a joke? Look at the Miami Dolphins football record.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay person's house!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.
Steven Hawking lost the Wi-Fi connection on March 14, 2018.