The jokes
I know 25 letters of the alphabet, but I don't know why.
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.
That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
What did God say to the good shepherd?
Nothing.
Your hairline starts at the back of your head.
Memes
If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows.
It would have had doors, but why was it ever spelt DOS?
What’s the difference between me and grass? Grass doesn’t cut itself.
Why did the frog cross the road to hop to his side, Bih?
Yo mama is so fat that when she jumps, the earth was shaking!
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
What is the best part of being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family sized.
You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Why do orphans like the movie Home Alone?
Because they're home alone themselves!
What borders on stupidity?
Scotland and the EU.
The fish swam in litter and oh, dam!
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.
Someone bullied a disabled person.
The disabled person said they can't stand it.
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.
What is the difference between Madeleine McCann and a submarine?
They are both full of seamen and are at the bottom of the ocean.