The jokes
Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
A man went to a library and asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide.
She replied "Oh fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
How did Stephen Hawking die? He went in the rain! 😂😂😂
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
One of them has a family tree.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
Why does the wind always blow from the "West" in Washington State?
Answer: Because IDAHO SUCKS!
Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!
You know what orphans and I have in common? Our dads both left for the milk.