The jokes
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
Because they can go through 100 stories in 7 seconds.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Where do orphans get stuff from?
The reject shop.
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?
The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.
Memes
I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.
What animal can jump the highest? The emo kids.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
What's the difference between a Chinese person and an old person?
One lasts long and another doesn't.
Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.
Why did the Twin Towers get mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but got plane.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
Why does a leaf fall faster than an Emo?
The Emo hangs himself.
What's an orphan's favorite game to play on Roblox? The game Adopt Me.
What's the difference between an orphan and a bowl of apples?
The apples got picked!
You know what they say about 9/11 jokes?
The second one never lands as good as the first one.
Me: The light wow brighter than my future.
I said to the fish, "I have dam."
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?
"Are you ready for fall?"
I just beat the Hollow Knight and found it takes 26 hours to beat it, but it took me 69 hours to beat it.