The jokes
I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.
Why was the apple 🍎 sad?
Because he got his peelings hurt.
Why do orphans eat their breakfast with water?
Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.
Say all the planets: Mars, Saturn, Uranus.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
Why does an orphan hate the internet?
Because he's always on the homepage.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because the dad never came back with the milk.
Not even the FBI knows where an orphan's parents are.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.
"Fuck me right in the balls, you dirty cow!"
I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
Nobody: People on the Titanic: *SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*
Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?
Tax credit.