Suicide vest jokes

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.

Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.

I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!

What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?

A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.