Cannabis jokes

Why is 19 afraid?

Because if you add 400 to it, it’ll be next to 420.

What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

What do you call a masculine lesbian who smokes weed?

A stoned butch.

What do you call a bus full of stoners?

The Magic School Bus.

What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?

Yours.

I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?

A joint in each hand.

What do you call a disabled person who gets high?

Baked potato.

Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?

Q: What do you call a hot lesbian who smokes weed?

A: A high femme.

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's.

When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?

Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana? They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.

Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).

Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.

Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.

Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.

Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.

MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.

LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.

Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?