Cannabis jokes

I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?

When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?

Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

What do you call a disabled person who gets high?

Baked potato.

What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?

Yours.

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?

A joint in each hand.

Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.

Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).

Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.

Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.

Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.

Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.

MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.

LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.

Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's.

Why is 19 afraid?

Because if you add 400 to it, it’ll be next to 420.

What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.

Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.

When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?

What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?

A baked potato.