Squirrel

Squirrel Jokes

Nut

Q. What do Danielle Smith and a squirrel have in common?

A. They both always have a mouth full of nuts.

Pizza

Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.

Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?

Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.

Emo girl

An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.

Neighbor

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

Nut

Dees was a squirrel who had big nuts.

Everybody loved dees big nuts.

Eyebrow

This boy's eyebrow was so bushy, everyone thought that it was a squirrel tail! XD

Porn

How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?

Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.

Idea

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

Pay

Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?

He was paid peanuts.

Uncle

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

Nut

What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"

Nut

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

A: Act like a nut.

(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)

Nut

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.