Q. What do Danielle Smith and a squirrel have in common?
A. They both always have a mouth full of nuts.
Squirrel Jokes
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
Dees was a squirrel who had big nuts.
Everybody loved dees big nuts.
This boy's eyebrow was so bushy, everyone thought that it was a squirrel tail! XD
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Act like a nut.
(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.