SOS jokes

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

One day you were at the store and you see you in a cart, and so you get out, and it was a mirror. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Lol

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.

Yo mama so old, she was there when Moses was born.

Why is Stephen Hawking so square headed? Because he forgot to shut Minecraft down!

Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.

Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

It’s so sad how Stephen Hawking was just rolling too far away from the outlet. RIP :(

The exam is knocking at my door... so I ran away from the window.

Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!

Have you heard the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Great saying.

Not so great way to find out you are adopted.

Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.

What made his beats so bad?

His name.

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!

My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.

Why were the cows so noisy in the barn?

Because they had horns!

Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the concert?

So he could DEFINE his own beats!