SOS jokes

You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.

My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!

Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.

Your forehead is so big that it has five different time zones!

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him, "Go big or go home," he/she only had one option.

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.

Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?

So she can moan with her right hand.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they couldn't run home.

Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?

Your hairline is so far back it took a trip to America.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

You're so ugly, you make onions cry.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your mom gay, And so are you.

Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was little, she had to trick-or-treat by phone.

Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.

He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.

Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.