My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?
“My Mommy Comes Back”
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To finally call someone father. 😂😂
You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."
Nobody stands up.
After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."
Little Johnny stands up.
"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"
"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."
