Skin jokes

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"

What did the skeleton say to Shrek?

"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."

You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.

What is the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits for a boy to turn twelve before it comes on his face.

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

One screams when I peel its skin off.

What is the useless skin around the vagina called?

The woman.

What's red and screams when you shake it?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.