Shout Jokes

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back... The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”

The streets go blank in the dead of the day not a car to be seen A kingdom of corona-cation and it looks like moms the queen The wind is howling with this virus in the air Couldn't keep it in china everyone knows it's everywhere Don't let friends in don't be afraid Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal don't feel your insanity That the virus caused!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors! I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friends house Sickness doesn't get to me anyway. It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane And the fears that once controlled me are here and present oh well! It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through! No right no wrong but stay inside! WERE NOT FREEEE!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! Cause I have nothing better to do The virus flurries through the air into my house! The storm is spiraling fear and fractals all around!! And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!! What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past???? DONT LET IT GO DONT LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DONT LET IT GO DONT LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT CAUSE THATS WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.

Yes, sir

Four big guys and they grab on my thighs Blow up my guts like the 4th of July If they keep fuckin' my butt then I might just cry Poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes

He lick my dick and the cum start sprayin' Charging up my dick I'ma go super saiyan When he cum the fuckin' booty I don't do much playing Then I whispered in his ear, like hey are you stayin' He said yeah I'm not leavin'

I guess he George Floyd, cause always leavin' Not breathin' he chew on my dick like a baby That's teathin' I'm fuckin' a nigga I think it's named Steven Hawkin f*ck him 'til he ain't walkin', dick stone-cold call him BBC Austin It's a booty massacre when I visit him in Boston Bought him new titties I don't care what they costin'

Bitch, hop on the dick do a split Shout out Lil Baby My dick is as real as it gets, I'm not fuckin' On him if he don't have tits I'm catchin' his balls like my name Kyle Bitz

There's four Big guys, they're grabin' on my thighs They blow my guts like the 4th of July If he keep fuckin' my butt then I might cry There's poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes

Yes sir, that is a fact tho, take out my dick slip it in his asshole Swinging my dick through the air like a lasso Painted his face like Apollo Pocasso (ugh) But I'm not a very good artist, f*ck 'em all good 'til that Nigga farted planted my seeds in his ass like a garden The way I play with balls, you should call me James Harden

Yeah, DigBar is elite, there's four big guys and I'm takin' their meat I eat the boy's butt, Then I chase him with skeet And I charge for booty, I promise DigBar Isn't cheap And I count dudes when I sleep, not sheep, get up in my sheets And I'm beatin' on my meat

Bitch We got four big guys and they grab on my thighs And they gon' bust on my eyes

let me tell you a story there once was a bro who constantly choked on chodes he didnt want his bros to ever know that he constantly choked on chodes he lived in a dorm and all day he watched porn but still he would suck on some corn one day he would go to go choke on some tasty chode but his bros found out gave him a shout and kicked him out yeling that he broke the bro code

There are two kids sitting in a classroom Lily and john Lily sleeps in class everyday.The teacher asks lily who made heaven and earth john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY teacher says that's right the teacher says the next day she asks the same question john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY that's right the teacher says next day she asks lily what did Eve say to adam after their 100th john pokes her again IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IMMA BREAK IT IN HALF she shouts.

My son asked me “ what is angel cake made of?” I reply by listing the ingredients in mr Kipling angel cakes, Then he shouts “STOP” I stop as I reach food colourings he slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper “well in my angel cake I put angels in them” I freaked out about this so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake he said”grandma the one who died last Saturday”

Homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge

A homeless man is walking along a road, and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."

Man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is with an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!". "Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.

Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached".

I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, The watch voice asked us if we wanted to do solo run or group run. Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout “ I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty” Shame on you pessi😡😡

37. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!" Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time".

38. An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold." His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?" The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

39. A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?" The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes!" "Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Didn't know how fast you could walk".

40. A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?" Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him." Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason." Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?" The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?"

A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife .After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room .There they were having a grand ole until the Rancher’s wife walks in .The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there”,The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke)You’ve never been so right in your life ,honey why don’t show our guest your tits”,.She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast.After he gets a good gander he says “Nice”,then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon”,.She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny ,and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his .Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!”,and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.

A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite. And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to the they get orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine." The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked "Now what?"

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion "What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop." said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop." said the Priest.

"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

"And then?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.

There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man. The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

The Yo Mama song to end all yo mama jokes

if u kno what song this is parodying you get a cookie

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhh, Yo Mama.

oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!

Yo mama so fat, she gotta bathe in Sea World.

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhhh, YO MAMA!

Oh woo ohhh, YO MAMA!

Yo mama so slow she took 9 months to get the joke.

Your own motheeer makes me giggle

Her struggling to do taaaasks, see her belly wiggle.

HEY

Yo mama so fat she on both sides o’the family.

Yo mama so inbred her own fam’ly tree

Looks like a spider web an’ yo mama so hairy

I thought it was King Kong I saw, that bitch is scary.

Yo mama so dumb a kid said “gimme a fag”

And in response she kidnapped Ricardo in a giant bag

Yo mama so blind, she drove through puppies in a blunder

I swear I almost thought the driver was Stevie Wonder

Yo mama so old, she’s nostalgic for the big bang.

Drier than Sahara, that crusty old thang.

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhh, Yo Mama.

oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!

Yo Mama so fat her picture still printing out

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhhh, YO MAMA!

Oh woo ohhh, YO MAMA!

Yo mama so ugly I thought you had two dads

MMMMMMM

ahhhhhh

ohhhohoh

Your own motheeer, your own motheeeeer’s pussy is tight

It’s not too dryyy or weeet it’s just right

Hey Mama!

I fucked her so hard, the bitch done passed out

but not before I creamed all over her and shout

“I’M FUCKING THESE MOMS ALL THE WAY TO HEAVEN!

Don’t care if she’s 20 or 77!

I’m doing all the moms all over the worl’

Even if they weren’t ‘riginally born a girl.

A pussy’s a pussy no matter who its from

Don’t care if that woman is smart or dumb!”

That’s the truth there, baby! Even if

yo mama too stupid to tell apart her own kid

or if she’s so fugly, she’s the reason why

Helen Keller, poor soul, went deaf and blind.

I want to fuck every MILF on Earth

it don’t matter how much her ass is worth

or if she’s so poor, coal on Christmas is a treasure

Would I fuck her anyway? It would be my pleasure.

My body count so high can’t nobody top me

She said, “I’ll call you Freddie Mercury cause I want you to rock me.”

I said, “aiight bet! Can’t nobody stop me!”

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhh, Yo Mama.

oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!

But yo mama still so poor Africans donate to her!