She jokes
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.
The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.
If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?
She had small tits.
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.