I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."
"What is it?" she asked.
"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.
"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.
"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.
"And your final wish?" the genie asked.
"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
If Kamala Harris is Indian, why doesn’t she have that dot on her head?
So she claims to be.
And the only black color I know is when you shut off the lights.
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Yo mama so fat, she stepped on the scale and it said a.k.a. "error."
Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?
She doesn't eat pigs.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?
She charges you for extra sauce!
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
