Yo man, stand up
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, โDo you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!โ
Trump replies, โI seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!โ
So the Pope slapped him.
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big fat blow job.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously it's called dark humor for a reason
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously I'm not joking
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says "we've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says "seriously? Why would you name a drink named Callum?"
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy. The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!"
SERIOUSLY WHO WANTS FUCKING ANNOYING ORANGE AS PRESIDENT
When elsa said let it go, you took to seriously and let go of your hairline
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
I got a phone call from a guy labled 'assassin' saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w-
*gunshot*
Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped
(Don't take this seriously just funny): Yo mama so fat when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her a yell "Hey Yo Taxi!!!"
People need to stop taking life so seriously, after all, no one gets out alive!
So one time I was looking up the definition of accident because I was a little dumbo and didnโt know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me, and points at the word and says, โThatโs you!โ(meaning that I was an accident) A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, โSweetie, you were an accident. We didnโt mean to make you. But we still love you with everything weโve got.โ
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
