Yo man, stand up
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die Me : No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing i'll do
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big fat blow job.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously it's called dark humor for a reason
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously I'm not joking
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says "we've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says "seriously? Why would you name a drink named Callum?"
SERIOUSLY WHO WANTS FUCKING ANNOYING ORANGE AS PRESIDENT
When elsa said let it go, you took to seriously and let go of your hairline
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy. The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!"
I got a phone call from a guy labled 'assassin' saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w-
*gunshot*
Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped
(Don't take this seriously just funny): Yo mama so fat when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her a yell "Hey Yo Taxi!!!"
People need to stop taking life so seriously, after all, no one gets out alive!
So one time I was looking up the definition of accident because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me, and points at the word and says, “That’s you!”(meaning that I was an accident) A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you. But we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humour, they think of humour as like a happy thing because humour makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering, if I take a joke like , how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb, none they just beat the room for being black, now that joke isn’t make light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racial discriminated against, it’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind and that is important, humour at its best takes the bad thing in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny
And before you go in the comments and say i agree with rape, I don’t, I hope everybody who rapes someone to have there dick cut of, my little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!
