Mom: Hey, there's IHOP.
Kid: You hop to.
Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
I had a joke about pizza, it's just too cheesy.
Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
'Cause she will let it go.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
What do you call a Krispy Kreme Donut combined with a Big Mac from McDonalds?
A Krispy Kreme Mac.
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
Q: what is the difference between a pizza and a baby? A: the pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
