Religious jokes
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?
Turkish.
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
What's your religion?
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂
At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.