I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?" A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!" The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room." The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys 😊😇
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, sl*t!" I walked towards him. "I prefer slit." I said. "Why?" He asked. "You see this wrists?" I spat at him.
Random guy: hi how old are you? Me:15 The guy: you're so young, age is just a number Me: do you know what else is a number? The guy: what? Me:911
Random guy: come on bin laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK I'll leave.
Random guy: Do you know Dee? Other dude: Who’s Dee? Random guy: Dee Snuts!
A guy start texting a Cute girl and ask to give her phone no. So he can't call her the girl ok but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number then I am gonna be your gf and will meet you somewhere the transfer her the balance and called her but turn out the girl was actually a guy making him fool he blocked him. Next day he was very angry about himself being fool so thought he gonna do the same he make a fake girl account and start texting with some random guy and then he ask that guy to send him balance. Suddenly his father came in his bedroom and ask " son can you send me some balance i am gonna send you can after sometime" that guy look at his father with suspicious eyes and then he call that random number suddenly his father phone start ringing......
a guy saw a person with a duck and said "where did you get a pig" the owner replied "its not a pig dummy" the random guy said "i wasn't talking to you,i was talking to the duck"
Me: Hey do you live in the ocean? random guy: Why? Me: Because you look like a whale.
