Public Transport jokes

Do your buses run on time?

No, they run on diesel.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

What is the bus?

"What bus?"

I love bus jokes.

What did the bus driver say to the lady with one leg?

Hop on.

What did the weed say before he got on the escalator?

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

Who's the bus driver?

You will never nose [know].

What is something that smells yuck? 🤮

Old bus seats.

What is a bus 🚌?

What do you call a bus going backwards? A sub.

So my bus... goodness.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?