Personal finance jokes

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.