Parent jokes

Why did the orphan go to church?

To hear some "foster" parenting advice.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Your dad.

But my dad's dead.

I know, just reminding you!

You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!

Does a midget count as an orphan?

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!