Parent jokes
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.
Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.
Kidnapper: ...
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.
Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
What's the best competition to do with an orphan?
Which orphan had their parent for the longest?
Your dad? Oh wait, you don’t have that!
Orphans are so useless even their parents agree.
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
Why do orphans have no parents?
Because no one loves them.
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”