Son: Dad what's a morbid joke? Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him then you will know. Son: But Dad I don't have arms or legs. Father: Now you know.
Why do orphans that go to there friends house friends mom:go back to your house it’s late Finn wait can I have your moms phone number Finn friends mom: wait aren’t you a orfinn wait don’t you have a phone Finn? wait I forgot you don’t have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you
What's a chairs favorite snack?
Chair-es or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
Your so ugly ur mom and dad abandoned you and you went to the adoption Center and not even the adoption Center would take you or let you in.
If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?
If Stephen Hawking Gets a Heart Attack, where do you go, The hospital or curry’s PC World
your mama is so fat ,you can't tell if shes pregnant or not
"Dad what is 69?" asks son Dad: Well son, it a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally. Son: So what shall I write? Odd or even.
DEJA - POO
The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.
Boy: can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: if you sing the abcs. Boy: abcdefghijklmnorstuvwxyz! Teacher: where’s the p? The boys answer: in my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: yes
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot. Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
If there was a quiz on midgets here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it: 1. When midgets get High on any drug, do they get high or medium? 2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet 3. Are Midgets related to snow whites 7 Dwarfs? 4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario? 5. Was this funny?
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "when i cook i make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
And there the referee taking down Ronaldo's number. Not really the time or the place but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
I mess up goats for unicorns? Jimmy the Unicorn or goat. I don't even know.
