Nursing Home jokes

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?

Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.

Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?

Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

What store has the most vegetables?

A nursing home.

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.