No jokes
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.
She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
Memes
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
What’s an orphan's favorite movie?
Spider-Man: No Way Home.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Want to hear a joke about milk? No, it's too cheesy.
Where do people with no legs go to have fun?
Legnoland.
I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.