Nightclub jokes
What do you call an emo strip club?
Suicidal Thots.
Why did the emo leave the bar?
Because it was happy hour.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
Two baby seals walk into a club.
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden Dropping beats like the Twin Towers!
After every line, say “I’m a man.”
I went to the club. (I’m a man)
I met a girl. (I’m a man)
I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)
We got some drinks. (I’m a man)
I took her home. (I’m a man)
We got in bed. (I’m a man)
She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)
Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.
I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For when he made it RAIN in the club.
I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
Glory 🕳 equals 👨 👨 👨 👨 👨 bonding.
If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.