Mother

Mother Jokes

Cheetah

What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?

"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"

Test

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

Mama

Joe mama's so hairy when she went to the movie theater, the people thought she was Chewbacca!

Place

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

Diet

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Stairway

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

Milkman

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

Crime

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

Orphan

Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.

Dad

20 years later

Johnny: Hey dad.

Dad: Yea?

Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!

Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.

Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.

Dad:...

Johnny

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

Orphan

"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.

Autopsy

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

Friendship

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

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  • Family

    You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!