Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list
What do most 50-year-old men put inside there cars
Children
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What happens when you throw an underaged boy between two catholic priests? They fight and... You know the rest.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
They told me I could never be an actor....
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
My Infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
I wanted to solve Teen Suicide, so I shot up a Middle School.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
what do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
showing them the ropes.
whats the grossest thing ever? A bag of dead babies whats even more gross? The bottom one is still wriggling
there's three kids: little drop, little feather, and little brick. Little feather goes "mommy why do u call me l'feather"? She answers "cuz a little feather fell over your head when u were born". L'drop asks to his mom "mommy why do u call be l'drop"? She answers "cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born". L'brick goes " aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn"
what do you call a boy in your mom
your dad
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child..?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? - she comes home with sparkles on her face
What's an emo person's least favorite game??? Cut The Rope.
what did the phedophile say to the kids.
"FUCK"
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove
