Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.
Moxxie: ThEy CaLlEd Me A pOsSuM!! i'M nOt A pOsSuM!!
“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.” “Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!” “No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”
Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
I never knew the kid at School had Autism, I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs. 🤔
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
At baseball practice...
"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"
"No, but I got two right here."
i didnt mean to call a afghanistan Hotline, i told them i was Depressed then they asked if i know how to drive a truck idk how that has anything to do with it
Why did a woman believe she was a target? She had a price tag without any value to it.
So i asked my mom for a bath bomb she just gave me a toaster
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! please help, please help!"
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
16. Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
I am in trouble my mum ask me to get six cans of sprit
But I got seven ups
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Heard the phrase 'one man's trash is another man's treasure'? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
