Misinterpretation jokes

A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.