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It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

A newspaper clipping with the headline "Nude Brit covered in poo fell from hotel balcony into café", followed by a news article describing a naked British tourist who fell through a café ceiling from his hotel balcony in Thailand.

A chaotic battle scene with numerous figures in armor wielding weapons. Text on top reads: "IT'S THE FINAL CONDOM" and text on the bottom: "OR WHATEVER EUROPE SAID"

perfection

The image is a three-panel comparison. The first panel shows an X-Men cartoon series cover and the text "show me a unskippable marvel intro" next to a photo of actor Michael Fassbender. The second panel displays a Marvel Avengers movie poster next to a picture of Michael Fassbender with the text "I said unskippable marvel intro." The third panel has the cover of a cartoon series of the Avengers, and next to it is the same image of Michael Fassbender with the text "perfection".

A receipt with the text: Bill. Dine In. Server: Jessica A. Tab: Bill. 1 Pina Colada "Extra Creamy" Idfk. That's just what he said he wanted. I guess add whip before you blend. Idfk. I hate it here.

A person wearing a white hat and blue glasses is in the foreground of the image, looking at the camera with a serious face. Behind them is a snowy hill with people sledding and snowboarding. The text above reads, "Nobody even said thank you."

A selfie of a dark-skinned man wearing white goggles and a white head covering. He looks annoyed. In the background, several people are scattered around a snowy hill, some on sleds, and one man is kneeling to strap in a snowboard.

Two images show a dad holding a baby. The text says "Mom said 'NO' So I asked dad and he said 'YES'".

r/future
2h
Join
Homie said Future new tape is mid - ended up
fucking his bitch
Discussion
Literally told him not to talk on my goat like that shit
was 8/10 MINIMUM. Asked his girl to meet up, told her
let's get some Mac Donald's, then she gave me head
ion even feel bad Lmaooo
↑ 88
○ 26
☑☑

I thought it said holo..

big [fire] balls

An image of a platypus in its natural habitat. Text above the animal reads "They said I could be anything" and text below it reads "so I became everything."

big [fire] balls

The image shows a platypus at the top, with the text "On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said..." underneath. Below that is an image of a cartoon God giving a thumbs up with the text "let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out".

A face with a serious, almost annoyed expression is in focus. The text on top reads: "How I look at the guy using the urinal next to me who just said, 'Where there's rain, there's thunder!' as he farts while pissing."

Sooploosh MacSchnibble

A large, colorful beach ball, with a man standing next to it. The text below the image reads: "A fun way to ruin a weekend and blow 100 bucks. We took this ball to the beach and after close to 2 hours to pump it up, we pushed it around for about 10 fun filled minutes. That was when the wind picked it up and sent it huddling down the beach at about 40 knots. It destroyed everything in its path. Children screamed in terror at the giant inflatable monster that crushed their sand castles. Grown men were knocked down trying to save their families. The faster we chased it, the faster it rolled. It was like it was mocking us. Eventually, we had to stop running after it because its path of injury and destruction was going to cost us a fortune in legal fees. Rumor has it that it can still be seen stalking innocent families on the Florida panhandle. We lost it in South Carolina, so there is something to be said about its durability."

A man with a confused face and a military helmet made of a watermelon. The text on top says "EXCERCISE?" and the text on the bottom says "KAZAKHSTAN IS GETTING BOMBARDED".

A hand holding a paper cup with the word "cark" written on it. Text on the image says: "I said my name was Marc with a 'c'..."

Screenshot of a comment that reads: "Cole wanted a friendly fade. A slap box between homies. Kendrick showed him what's in his backpack and said "don't come to school tomorrow."

A tweet saying, "Yo guys, I have this girls nudes should I keep em? She died so idk. Since I have em and she's dead they are kinda like rare ass pokemon cards. Discontinued by manufacturer type shit," is shown above a screenshot of a concerned-looking chef from the movie Ratatouille.

Your local comrade

The ultimate speedrun

In a meme, Mario is shown with the text, "When the fire extinguisher said it lasts for 3-5 years, but you drink all the foam in 37 minutes. I have achieved unlimited speed... but nowhere to put it."

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