Lock jokes
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore is locked, that is why I knocked.
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
Did you try the digital egg padlock? Because it is very easy to crack the code.
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.